Chaplain Freda Brown encourages us to be deliberate about self-care

“100 Things I Genuinely Like….”

On my way home from work a few days ago I was absolutely green with envy recalling a conversation I’d had. Just prior to departing, a friend was sparing no details about her recent vacation to Flagstaff, Arizona. She described morning hikes and afternoon naps in a hammock strung outside in the breeze; and of course, she talked of the smell of those ponderosa pines. I was so covetous. But then, she did deserve it. She is manager of the Palliative Care department at the hospital, and championing the cause of palliative care in the medical center is an intense and exhausting feat. She is wise to take some time off for rest and relaxation. My friend obviously knows the value of self-care.

As I complete my chaplain residency in an acute-care trauma center of a large metropolitan city, I too know intensity and exhaustion. In fact, those of us with vocations in the caring ministries know the grueling hours that might extend well beyond what is “normal” by most people’s standards. We know the emotional, mental, and physical toll that occurs with long on-call shifts where a truly caring presence is the one thing that’s needed. It is because of my hospital ministry that I have come to really appreciate all aspects of my own self-care system. Without sufficient renewal and restoration, my personal resources become significantly weakened and the effectiveness of my ministry is minimized.

According to Stephen Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “sharpening the saw” is foundational to personal effectiveness. He defines this as a way of renewing all aspects of our personhood which he perceives as dimensional in nature — physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual.

What I’ve learned about myself is that an obvious obstacle to true self-care is my tendency towards being overly responsible. I’m sure I’m not alone in this propensity, because many of my colleagues in the helping professions are inherently responsible people. There used to be a guilty feeling about the laundry to be done, the errands to be run, or the crime-watch meeting to be attended. For a long time, I told myself I just didn’t have time to do anything for me. Finally, I learned to give myself permission to take the time. I came to the realization that it was my own choice. No longer do I have those guilty feelings, because to me it’s a matter of self-love. I now give myself permission to love myself enough to care for myself in a way that is unique to me!

Several weeks ago while reading a book by Julia Cameron, I was struck by the suggestion to list 100 things that I genuinely liked — things that reconnected me to my emotional life. I jumped at the chance. There’s something about writing down the kinds of things that bring you pleasure that seems to validate them even more. As happy as I am to know that I’m caring for myself in every area of my life, I’m even happier to have things that I do for the sheer joy of doing them. The inner joy and peace in the process of doing is absolutely my greatest reward.

When I posed the self-care question to some of my colleagues, I got an array of answers as you can well imagine. Indeed, a Friday night margarita or a novel of questionable literary merit might be just the thing for some of us to let go the intensity and exhaustion. But, I know several who practice other forms of self-care. Changing our eating habits, taking up a foreign language, going to the movies and doing daily devotionals are all considered aspects of self-care. The ways in which we do it aren’t as important as the fact that we consistently do something to care for our own souls.

“You shall love the LORD your G-d…and love your neighbor as yourself.” How can I love my neighbor if I don’t first love myself? How can I care for the wounded souls of my fellow travelers if I can’t give care to my own? My list of 100 Things That I Genuinely Like contained many of the ways I care for my soul. I love to spend time in the garden, make gumbo, read a good book, eat a delicious meal with friends, take Spanish classes, attend the Eucharist, get a good night’s sleep, my list goes on and on…. What about yours?

Do you have thoughts about spiritual development you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail of any length to info@PlainViews.org.