The Rev. Cornelius “Corky” DeBoer on being and doing

An Integrated Approach to the Spiritual Care Dance

There is often a tension felt in spiritual care ministry between “being” and “doing.” Often in the course of a verbatim presentation, these “being” / “doing” tensions arise. The student presenting the verbatim will ask for feedback regarding what she “did for” the patient. Did she assess the need correctly and do the right thing? Another student will present a verbatim in which he was a silent presence during a crisis situation. He may ask “Was simply ‘being with’ the family enough?” Were there other things that he could have or should have done? As questions like these are discussed, typically several students will value and emphasize the “being” aspect of ministry, while others value and emphasize the “doing” aspect.

Some believe that the primary style of pastoral care is simply “being with” people, and not “doing for” them. They see themselves as neutral participants in the pastoral care dance, and are skilled at letting their warm, empathic presence provide an inviting dance floor. In the context of their presence, patients may choose to raise issues and deal with their stresses as they feel comfortable. The chaplain’s presence offers opportunity if the patient so chooses to dance (share their stories, etc).

On the other end of the continuum, there are some that believe that the primary style of pastoral care should be “doing for” others, not just “being with” them. In this context, the importance of pastoral initiative is often referenced. They see themselves as taking the lead in the pastoral care dance, and demonstrate skills in engaging in or stimulating conversations with patients. They take the initiative in the dance, asking for other information or feelings that may be helpful for the patient to explore.

While each of these styles has its place in pastoral care ministry, they are often set against one another. When working with students in the struggle of this tension, it dawned on me one day that there was another way to consider “being” and “doing” which, interesting enough, was congruent with my own theory and practice of ministry and supervision. This new perspective doesn’t emphasize one over against the other, but rather enables the two to intertwine in a more integrative way.

The paradigm shift I am referring to occurs when one considers the different nuances that occur when the prepositions normally paired with “being” and “doing” are switched. Instead of “being with” the patient or student, I focus on “being for” the patient or student. Instead of “doing for” the patient or student, I focus on “doing with” the patient or student. The end result is that instead of a separation (either “being with” or “doing for”) or alternation (alternating “being with” or “doing for”) ministry approach, this new paradigm shift (“being for” and “doing with”) enables one to enter the spiritual care dance with an integrated ministry approach.

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