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Chaplain Deborah Heard on the importance of family in the dying process
AIDS
and Dying Alone
I had the opportunity
to minister to an AIDS patient who
was 32-years old, shortly before she
died, which was a heartbreaking experience.
When I first approached her, she would
not respond to me and would not even
look up at me. I patiently waited and
spoke to her again. She still did not
respond to me, but I could see she
was troubled. Not giving up, I said,
“Whatever is going on in your life,
it’s not so hard that God can’t handle
it.” She finally looked up at me and
her eyes widened. All of a sudden,
the floodgates opened up and she began
to talk and talk. The pain in her heart
was that though she knew she was dying,
and her mother and family knew she
was dying, they would not come to see
her. I asked her if she would like
me to call and she said yes. I called
the mother and demanded she come and
see her daughter. Well, to the patient’s
surprise, the mother finally showed
up. Unfortunately, she left before
I arrived back at the hospital. The
following week the patient’s condition
had sharply deteriorated. She was irrational
and did not recognize me. I did find
out from the nurses’ station that the
mother did show up again. Shortly thereafter,
as-a-matter-of-fact a couple of days
later, the patient died.
There is still a lot of ignorance
and fear regarding AIDS, even 20 years
later. Unfortunately, this is still
not being dealt with in the churches,
and this has greatly troubled me. I
have ministered to many AIDS patients
in the hospital and I always get the
same response – no one comes to visit
them. Even among the hospital staff,
when I would approach a room where
there was an AIDS patient, the staff
would rush to me and tell me be careful,
the patient has AIDS. This would anger
me, again, because of the ignorance.
Though I can be a presence for a short
while, family members and friends are
needed to be with the patient in the
final hours. Though AIDS is a terrible
disease, these patients are loved by
God and still should not have to die
alone. What can be done?
Deborah Heard is a graduate of Empire
State College with a BS in Human Development.
She also received her Master of Ministry
and Master of Divinity degrees from Trinity
Theological Seminary. She is also a certified
chaplain, receiving her certification
from the Council of Churches for the
City of New York. She has been in hospital
ministry for approximately 25 years.
She received her training from HealthCare Chaplaincy in New York City. She is a
full time legal secretary by day and
a chaplain in Jamaica Medical Center
in Jamaica, New York on weekends and
in the evenings. She is an ordained elder
in her church and is endorsed by the
Higher Ground Assemblies in Dallas, Texas. Do you have thoughts about spiritual development
you’d like to share with your colleagues?
Send an e-mail of any length to info@PlainViews.org.
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