Rabbi Dr. David J. Zucker on our need to be touched

When I'm Sixty-Four

In 1967, the Beatles released the Sergeant Pepper album with Paul McCartney’s song “When I’m Sixty-Four.” I was in my mid-20s. Sixty-four seemed a very long way away. People who were sixty-four were old. Nearly four decades later, things look very different. Sixty-four is not that far away for me. As Chaplain at Shalom Park, our community’s senior continuum of care facility, I serve many congregants who passed age sixty-four many, many years ago.

When McCartney asked the question “will you still need me, will you still feed me when I’m sixty-four,” he was reflecting a verse in the Psalm 71:9, which reads, “God, do not forsake me when I am old, when my strength fails, do not cast me off.”

From the psalmist’s lament it is clear that people turning away from the aged, people ignoring the elderly, is an ancient phenomenon. Though on the surface the psalmist appeals to God for help, the verse really is directed at all of us. The psalmist is asking, when I am old, when I am in need, will you, my family, friends and acquaintances cast me off, or will you keep in touch? The more plaintive question is will you “still need me,” will you keep in touch with me, when I am old.

In English the idiom “keep in touch” can mean “visit” or “remember” or perhaps “stay in contact.” In a much more fundamental, literal, way, the phrase “keep in touch,” means what it says: “stay connected,” “stay in physical touch.”

Touch – literal physical touch, reaching out, hugging, squeezing an arm, showing direct affection, is tremendously important for all of us. Scientific studies show that infants who fail to be held and caressed, suffer enormously. They need to be held; they require human touch in order to thrive. Throughout our lives, we need to be touched. Touch is essential to living and to healing. When my strength fails . . . will you still need me . . . will you still care enough to be there, to offer me your loving touch?

As a chaplain who works with those well past sixty-four, I see how residents thrive when family members, outside friends, or fellow residents come to visit. I see how they flourish when someone takes the time by literally touching a hand or arm, or by giving a hug or a kiss.

This all sounds so straightforward. By taking the time, by making the time to “reach out and touch” another person, we do a great good for them, and for ourselves. In touching, we ourselves will be touched, both literally and spiritually. We will be walking with God, emulating God’s holiness here on earth. We will bring and receive enormous blessings. We will also be an example to others. Our acts today will bring enormous benefits tomorrow. When we are “sixty-four” – or more – we hope others will follow our example and be there for us. Through today’s acts, we will ensure that others will stay in touch with us tomorrow.