Rabbi Julia Neuberger on answering the basic questions

By Books, By Writing and By Listening…

It is over twenty years since I first wrote a book about death and dying. In those days, as a pastoral rabbi in south London, with two of London’s most famous hospices within easy reach of my synagogue, I was constantly being called late at night to give the ‘last rites’ to someone Jewish dying in the hospice. However many times I explained that Jews did not have last rites, it was clear that the level of ignorance – not wilful, just a fact of life – was huge.

At the same time, a small charity – the Lisa Sainsbury Foundation – was set up to teach nurses how to deal better with dying. They asked me to write a short book about how to look after dying people of whatever faith. And so I began to write. How do you look after Muslims who are dying? Sikhs? Jews? Buddhists? And so on. The first edition came out in 1986. A simple volume, it answered basic questions. Every ward in every hospital wanted a copy on their reference shelf. I was delighted. I realised that the most basic advice I had given was bearing fruit. If you do not know, ask. The patients – or their families– will be only too delighted to tell you. Time and again, nurses have told me that as a result they have felt free to ask a Muslim family, or Buddhist patient, about their desires and fears.

Later editions have added Chinese customs, and drawn distinctions between different groups of Muslims and Jews. The book has also inspired many better, more thorough, books designed to help caregivers support people from backgrounds different from theirs.

It has also had a powerful effect on me personally. Before this, I had only written short pieces – this made me enjoy writing books. Since then, I have written Dying Well, a book designed to help ordinary people as well as healthcare professionals think about achieving a ‘good death’. But I have written about women, too, research ethics, and, most recently, a book entitled The Moral State We’re In, looking at the way we treat the most disadvantaged in the UK. I’m no longer a pastoral rabbi, but the desire to preach and teach, to support the weakest and to take real care of those who are dying, or those who have severe mental illness, has never left me. For me, the most spiritual moments are those intense times with someone suffering, or someone slipping away from life, with a sense that perhaps one can help – just a little.

In our country, far less religious than the United States, people are confused religiously and seeking something spiritually. In the healthcare field, and particularly when people are facing their own death or that of someone dear to them, the desire for spiritual care is still ever present. We need professionals – healthcare professionals and chaplains – to help them come to terms with what is happening to them. By books, by writing and by listening, we have to learn to play that role for everyone, whoever they are, from whatever background.

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