Are You Compassioned Out?

We are approaching the four-year anniversary of the tragedy of 9/11. As I ponder that “anniversary” I have been thinking about all that has occurred over the past few years. There have been a number of highly emotional events in our lives that have affected us. Whether through personal situation, work situation, national or international events, we as chaplains have been influenced by many stressors from both the outside and from inside. And that concerns me.

Some of you may have read the article in the recent issue of Chaplaincy Today that I wrote entitled, “The Unquiet Soul.” [1] This article was actually a speech that I gave less than a year ago. The article touches on the fact that I had overloaded myself with hospital work and volunteering at Ground Zero. I realized that a part of my soul had died and needed to be revived. I was busy using my energy to protect me from the dangers that might befall New York City at any moment. Instead of speaking out against injustices, I was quietly holding myself together hoping that there would not be a repeat of 9/11 but at the same time being “ready” if there was.

I also realized that the questions we get asked as chaplains from time to time were really bothering me because I did not have the answers. I could not respond to “Why did God do this?” or “Why did God allow this to happen?”. As a chaplain I was taught not to justify or defend God. I usually can just let those questions go, but in the years following 9/11, I found it harder and harder. I then realized that I started asking those same questions. I had no answers, not even for myself. Then, the Rev. Richard Sparrow, a friend and colleague who works for the United Church of Christ’s Parish Life and Leadership Ministry, sent me an article that helped me begin to put this into perspective. It is entitled, “The sturdy, reliant, self-destructing pastor.” [2] While it was written from the perspective of church pastors, there were many similarities.

As chaplains we know that we are serving the One in whom we believe. We have been endorsed by our faith group and so have the stamp of approval of our denomination to do the work we do. We face life and death every day through our work with patients and families. We have found ways, as individual as we are, to handle the pain that we see, feel and even touch. And yet, as I have come to realize and deal with my own pain around 9/11 and the lives and memories of those whom I served in the hospital for so many years, I wonder how my colleagues are doing. I wonder how the readers of PlainViews are dealing with their pain and sadness.

My colleagues in other parts of the world have dealt with much more terrorism and natural disasters than I have. They have seen death on a level that I can only begin to imagine. And so I wonder how my colleagues are doing in other parts of the world.

While I do not believe in being self-indulgent, I do believe that we need to advocate for ourselves to ensure that we remain healthy…or get healthy. We deserve it…and so do our families…and so do our patients. Don’t wait until you feel no compassion, have little or no patience, start questioning your call to serve. Take the time now to take care of yourself. Do a self-evaluation – ask yourself those tough questions that will help you determine whether you have really been able to let go of the pains and the hurts and the fears and the grief that you have witnessed and perhaps felt. Give yourself the time to heal and to gain a clearer perspective on your work. The difference that you will feel as your soul starts to revive will be remarkable and you will serve others, yourself and God in a whole new way.

[1] Jacobs, Martha R. “The Unquiet Soul,” Chaplaincy Today, Vol. 21, No. 1 (Spring/Summer) 2005, 33-36.

[2] Guess, Ben. “The sturdy, reliant, self-destructing pastor,” United Church News, February 2005. (Available at http://www.ucc.org/ucnews/feb05/pastor.htm)

Do you have thoughts about advocacy you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail to info@PlainViews.org.