Rev. David F. Carlson on avoiding compassion
fatigue
1. To be healthy caregivers you must
put self-care first. This is not selfish
but good sense. Balanced rest, nurture,
and replenishing enables you to have
the energy and stamina to be "available" in
your caregiving. Only you can do this
part as a regular rhythm in your life.
Care or love for your neighbor begins
with love and care for your nearest
neighbor, yourself. Then you can give
from what you already are and have.
An empty cup serves no one.
2. If we focus only on what we “feel” when
we are giving care day after day, we
may overlook what we think and believe.
Feelings are important. They are the
major way we invest in other people
or tasks. But we also choose, decide,
act, assess and evaluate in order to
connect our feelings to the whole person
or the whole scene. We care with our
whole selves in order to relate to
the whole person we serve or give care
with.
3. To maintain our ability to care,
we learn to set limits and find ways
to say “no” without becoming
stuck in guilt, shame, or unrealistic
expectations. No one can "do it
all," or "just keep going" without
paying a heavy cost physically, emotionally,
or spiritually. We are not machines
and will not treat ourselves, nor allow
others to treat us, in this manner.
Appropriate limits actually make us
all more realistically human and encourage
balance and wholeness.
4. By accepting our limitations we
become clearer about what we can actually
do or not do to help another person.
When we expect ourselves to always
have endless energy, all the right
answers, solutions, or options, we
discount the caregiving relationship
or the other person, and may miss the
energy, ideas, or creativity that together
may be better than either of us brought
to the scene of need. Two healing,
caring minds/persons are better than
one. Authentic caregiving is a partnership
to move together to address specific
needs.
5. When we have our good moments or
good days, we know that at the heart
of caregiving is the exchange of gifts.
We have all said on some occasions, “I
received much more than I gave.”In
this moment, we know the rich mystery
that touches both the one who gives
care and the one who receives it. And
we are both changed. This rarely happens
when we are so exhausted that we are
a "bundle of raw nerves" because
we have neglected our self-care responsibilities.
Time to re-visit the above steps.
6. When our "cup" has something
in it, when our self-nurture has refreshed
us, we experience times of strength
with flexibility. We then know that
we do have something to give and share!
We can "take a deep breath" and
embrace our own ability to be tolerant,
patient, forgiving, and gentle. Often
it is by believing in “SomeOne/God
or something beyond us ”that we
find the resources for this. We are
not able to be caregivers alone. We
need help and support, and have the
right to expect this from our human
companions in families, friends, co-workers
and our faith traditions. Without this,
we may try to make it through by use
of will, power, control or manipulation,
rather than care giving and receiving.
Spirit-filled compassion has no boundaries.
7. When the caregiving is both given "into
ourselves" as well as "outward
to others," we celebrate the awesome
truth of human uniqueness and sacredness.
We experience the deep, intimate, meaningful
connections of being fully alive, enriched
and blessed. We know we are most hurt
and helped by authentic human relationships.
By the exchange of "care" meeting
a "need," we embrace with
gratitude our own transformation toward
being fully human.
Do you have thoughts about education & research
you’d like to share with your colleagues?
Send an e-mail to info@PlainViews.org.
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