Daniel Coleman on acknowledging our anger

Anger As a Pathway to Holiness

The Hebrew Bible refers to anger in its various forms and expressions over 500 times.[1] Jacob is angry with his wife Rachel; Jonah is angry with G-d; Moses is angry with the people; the people are angry with Moses; Moses is angry with his nephews; Pharaoh is angry with his servants; G-d is angry with Moses; G-d is angry with Miriam and Aaron; G-d is angry with the people; Saul is angry with his son Jonathan; Jeremiah is angry with G-d; Habbakuk is angry with G-d, etc., etc.

More important than simply noting the frequency with which a concept arises in the Bible, it is necessary to examine the first occurrence of the concept or emotion. This provides a lens through which to understand and gain perspective on all future Biblical references to it.

Anger first appears in the context of Cain and Abel.[2] Cain becomes "exceedingly angry" when Abel's offering is found more acceptable than his. G-d asks him "why are you angry..." and, without waiting for a response, proceeds to tell Cain that he still has an opportunity to harness his anger, perhaps even channel it to a constructive use. Cain is apparently unable to rise to G-d's challenge: to identify and take control over his anger. Consumed by his anger, he kills Abel.

G-d and his Biblical servants appear unafraid to publicly demonstrate their anger – yet they and the teachings that we derive from their lives are not diminished. Anger – be it G-d's or ours – seems to be an inevitable part of life. Unless we believe that we are greater than our Creator, anger would seem to be something that is impossible to eradicate through piety or training of the mind, however saintly or contemplative we become. In fact, the opposite may be true. Anger is something we should welcome and cultivate.

In the aftermath of the Golden Calf betrayal, G-d self-describes as "slow to anger" [3] – not devoid of anger! As a human being charged with the responsibility of emulating G-d in my life, [4] I have 'permission' – indeed a mitzvah or an 'obligation' – to express anger at injustices perpetuated towards me (and maybe others as well).

This attribute (and the passage in general) directs us to acknowledge our anger, just as G-d does. We shouldn't feel guilty for having anger. G-d doesn't apologize or feel shame for having and expressing this emotion. Just the opposite. From these teachings, we can infer that G-d is challenging each of us to 'own' our anger and to take responsibility for it along with our other emotions, to confront our anger rather than avoid it.

With this in mind, we can interpret the question "Why are you angry?" that is sometimes directed at us as: "OK, you're angry. Now what are you going to do with that anger?" Will it be left unchecked, or can it be mastered just as we are enjoined to master every other object and emotion that G-d puts into our world? [5] Maybe we can ultimately learn to emulate Moses who selflessly employed his anger in the service of G-d,[6] or Pinchas who used his anger to defend G-d's honor.[7]

It is our responsibility to cultivate a thought-out response that emulates G-d's attribute and directive of being "slow to anger." Open discussion, recognition, and validation of the emotion, rather than avoidance, allows the parties involved to consider ways to prevent future moments of conflagration and attempt reconciliation.

[1] 5 Hebrew words are used to convey anger in the Bible: af over 200 references, chaimah 125, charah 93, ketzef 62, kaas 75.
[2] Genesis 4:3
[3] Exodus 34:6
[4] Babylonian Talmud Tractate Shabbat 133b, expounding the imperative of Imitatio Dei found in Deuteronomy 10:12 & 28:9
[5] Genesis 1:28
[6] Exodus 32:19
[7] Numbers 25:11

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