Rabbi Sandra Katz on dressing for success

Do Clothes Make the Chaplain?

What we say before we speak comes from the impressions people form when they look at us. Can a chaplain’s appearance demonstrate a balance of compassion and authority?

Rev. Priscilla Denham informed me that she wore her clerical collar to serve as chaplain in the hospital. She said that it was important for women in clergy roles to establish and assert authority as full clergy. She told me I needed to wear a head covering consistent with my faith tradition, a skullcap. So I thought about wearing a yarmulke or kippah, as we call them in Yiddish and Hebrew. Rev. Denham told me that I needed something that would let everyone know that I am the rabbi. This became a jumping-off point for my thinking process about self-presentation.

First of all, the skullcap covering the head was originally intended for men. The skullcap for men is a case of tradition taking on the force of law. Jewish traditions for women’s appearance include a notion of modesty, tzniyut. Essentially, it means that modest, traditionally observant Jewish women will keep their elbows and knees covered, and will not wear revealingly low necklines. They also refrain from wearing pants due to the biblical admonition not to wear the garments of the other gender.

I reasoned that I would prefer to establish identity as a Jewish woman. I’m already in a male-dominated profession. I remember one of the first women in the rabbinate replying to the question, “Do you want to be a man?” I want my constituency to understand that I respect our traditions, and that I am quite pleased to be female.

I decided that when I had a committee of the people I serve, I would ask for their preference. Members indicated that they wanted me to wear the skullcap when I conducted worship services. When I read from the Torah, I put on the required prayer shawl, but I conduct the bulk of the service without it. What is a woman doing wearing a prayer shawl? When they see that I am preparing to read Torah, then it’s okay.

Whenever I am in my facility, I wear a name badge that says that I am a rabbi and director of spiritual care. That’s all the assertion I need. I know who I am. My constituency knows who I am. I can say it softly.

Modest dress has advantages and disadvantages. When traditional Jews see me in our pluralistic Jewish environment, it makes a lasting impression that I have not immediately offended them. Dressing modestly has the advantage of calming people in a sexually-saturated media environment. I serve a majority-female demographic group that is also older and perhaps a little conservative. I wonder if it jangles their nerves to see younger women in revealing outfits. At least one of my residents has made it a point to tell me that my skirts are too long, and we have made it a joke between us. Our clothing can be a point of contact to begin building trust and a metaphor to talk about inner and outer selves.

I find that when I serve Catholic individuals, many of them just figure I am a nun, consistent with their cultural context. It has been great to laugh with them when I tell them I am a rabbi.

I have wondered if I hide behind my long skirts. Would this practice, perhaps a spiritual practice, stand up to a different social setting? Would it be sensible to cover up in a warmer climate where it is less socially acceptable – and less practical? I continue to contemplate this issue, and hope that readers will “TalkBack” to PlainViews.

What does your faith tradition say about how you present yourself? How do you package yourself to convey authority and warmth simultaneously? If you wear a clerical collar, do you sense that some people are drawn and others repelled based on the collar alone? How mainstream do we want to look if we are practitioners of a non-Western tradition? How do we balance competing claims while maintaining identity and authenticity?

One year during a holiday celebration for Purim, when we sometimes dress as the characters in the story of Queen Esther, we had a group discussion. A resident mentioned that our external trappings are not always indicative of what is inside. She summed up her statement by saying, “In the end, Rabbi, everything we wear is a costume.” Let us choose our costumes with intention.

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