Chaplain Cliff Bond on the high cost of caring

“We Are Surrounded by Insurmountable Opportunities”

These words, spoken many years ago in a comic strip called “Pogo,” fit our situation today. Every day we have many opportunities to give care to those in need of our compassionate services. Every day we feel stretched beyond our ability, time and talent as we try to take care of everything and please everyone. It feels like an impossible, “insurmountable” task. Yet, because we care, we are reflecting on these words, wondering how taking this time away from our work will help us at all.

We care because we care. I looked up “care” in the dictionary and found that it originates from the old English word “caru” which means “sorrow / a troubled state of mind / worry / close attention.” Do you find that interesting? I am absolutely certain that every one of us has experienced some deep hurt in our life. We know that every one of our patients, clients or parishioners has experienced or is experiencing sorrow, a troubled state of mind or worry. That is why they pay close attention to us and our “care” of them. And that is why we “care” for them. What we give is beyond price because it is care that comes out of our care, our “caru.” It is not mere service or tasks done that we offer—we give of our own experience, out of our own hurt, from our own heart. That is why the business we are in is so rewarding, and also so difficult. Truly, we are surrounded by insurmountable opportunities.

My wife is a nurse and I have worked as a hospital chaplain for 25 years. I like nurses, doctors, aides, therapists, pastors, chaplains and all caregivers who provide ministry to the injured, sick and suffering. I enjoy their humor and their compassion. I enjoy the sense of dedication that goes beyond punching a time clock. I also appreciate the need to get away, go home, be on vacation and not think about work because of the high cost of caring.

Years ago my supervisor in chaplaincy training, Ray Bailey, said we needed to have “awareness and intentionality” as caregivers. All of us sense the needs of our patients, clients or parishioners and do what we do because it is the right thing to do. I have no doubt of that. What I am suggesting is that we can do what we do even better and at less emotional cost to ourselves if we keep some basic principles in mind:

We always care—we cannot always cure.
People will always tell us what they need—but sometimes it is in code.
We cannot always connect with everyone every time.
It is important to let go without letting go.
If we do not care for ourselves we won’t be much good for anyone else.
Being selfish is not the same as being self-centered.
Everybody feels guilty about something—help them find forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not the same as making excuses for bad behavior.
Everybody dies, eventually—it is life that is the option.
Being part of the solution is much better than being part of the problem.
Doing the right thing just because we “SHOULD” is pretty lame.
Doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do works much better.

So:
Live long and prosper, (Mr. Spock)
May the Force be with you, (Obi Wan Knobi)
Be cool, (The Fonz)
God bless you. (Me)

Do you have thoughts about spiritual development you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail of any length to info@PlainViews.org.