Stephen G. Fisher on open hearts

The Making of a Volunteer Community Chaplain

On November 3rd, 2000, prompted by recurring episodes of shortness of breath, I entered Vassar Medical Center for an angiogram. They opened my chest and stripped a major vein out of my left leg to use as replacement. It was a procedure familiar to me as my father was the inventor of a critical piece of the machinery involved, and I had been witness to testing in an OR in Montreal early in my career.

I spent the weekend before the surgery in my hospital bed, contemplating my existence to date and the prospect that perhaps it would end on Monday. Paging mentally through the likely consequences of my demise, I concluded that those I loved would survive, both materially and emotionally, after, of course, an appropriate period of mourning. Satisfied on that score, I was left then asking how I felt about that prospect myself, wondering what, besides those loved ones, I would most miss. The answer came back so promptly and unequivocally that I had little choice but to act on it.

I was completely unaware of the surgery. My first awareness was of my wife, Deirdre, holding my hand. I traced the words “I love you”on her open palm. I learned, in extremis, how central to our being that feeling is, and that knowledge continues to inform my life each day since.

Those first five days of recovery in Vassar’s Cardio-Thoracic Step-Down unit were a blessing beyond belief. The combination of medical competency and personal, compassionate care was quite literally lifesaving.

Five short days after the surgery, we made our way home, Deirdre trying her best to avoid every bump in the road. For her, the hard work was just beginning, as there was precious little I could do for myself at first, and I came to know the real meaning of dependency and the full realization of love as an active verb.

Over the weeks that flowed into months, more of that love came in my door in the form of communion, books, flowers, plants and dinners prepared and delivered by friends, our Pastor and members of my parish, visits from family, both near and far, and cards and calls wishing early recovery. I learned what it means to have a friend, and to be one. The things and events that had seemed so important faded, and it was the smaller things that became most noticed, and most important.

The revelations over the weekend awaiting surgery, and in the recovery room, and later at home in the hard weeks to follow came together in one simple but powerful word –help. In my helplessness, I realized that helping others is why we are here. It colors our world altogether differently, and gives meaning to our lives that nothing on the material plane can equal.

As I returned to my former strength and beyond, opportunities that may always have been in front of me, unrecognized, revealed themselves, and I began to educate myself towards helping others.

Now I make my Chaplaincy rounds, under the thoughtful guidance of Reverend John Simon, Director of Pastoral Care, in the ICU, Emergency Department, or in the very same CT Step-Down unit I “graduated”from. I am able to open my heart to patients with ease, to see and hear their pain, and to meet with them right where they are, non-judgmentally, on an even plain, sincerely interested in their stories. They, in turn, offer me the opportunity to keep that opened heart open, a greater gift than any I could possibly give them. I learned, with gratitude, that Spirit matters.

Serendipity is defined in the Oxford as: “faculty of making happy discoveries by accident.”Some would say: “God’s way of remaining anonymous.”My pastor, Father Jerry Gallagher said: “Why not consider taking this course, the Circle of Care, from St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital, Houston, a chaplaincy training, at Grace Church, Millbrook?”Sixteen weeks and a bit later Rev. John Simon, Health Care Chaplaincy Pastoral Care Department head at Vassar Brothers Medical Center, Poughkeepsie announced a six week intensive. I applied, was accepted, and completed the course. The next step will, hopefully, be admission to CPE when it comes to Vassar next year.

Do you have thoughts about spiritual development you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail of any length to info@PlainViews.org.