Dianne Collier on military families in need of support

For Better or For Worse

There is a very popular cartoon by military wife Sophie Patenaude that depicts a couple kneeling before a clergyman as they prepare to exchange wedding vows. The groom handsome in his dress uniform and the beautiful bride in a swirling white gown are looking into each other’s eyes as the clergyman reads the wedding vows “…. for better or for worse.” Just then, the bride whispers to the groom, “Well, how ‘worse’ are we talking???” Yes, just how bad will things get?

Today’s military families are dealing with so much more than my generation. The only support we had was what we provided to each other. Our friends became our family, and our family became our friends. However, the old saying “If the military had wanted its troops to have wives they would have issued them one” certainly doesn’t apply today. The establishment recognizes the need to support our military families and is making great strides in providing a variety of networks of support. A key player in the support system is our Chaplains, who work closely with our leaders to help bridge the gap between the needs of the soldiers and the needs of their families—particularly during deployments.

Although many of these wonderful support networks weren’t available to my generation, we didn’t have the worry of today’s spouses who deal with constant deployments, more partners with psychological and medical problems and more children suffering the affects of a father/mother who is away more than he/she is home.

Today’s military spouse certainly deals with much more stress coming at them from several directions, and sadly, many are questioning whether they can continue to deal with all that is asked of them. I can’t count the number of times a military wife has declared, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore….” The number of overseas tours, the death toll, and the amount of training to prepare for these tours, as well as the number of exercises, courses and overtime work commitments, are all taking their toll on our families.

But through all the ups and down of this very challenging lifestyle, there is a very strong sense of pride in our partners, in who they are and what they do. Not only do our partners sacrifice so much for our country, but military spouses as well contribute a great deal and they should receive all the support necessary to change the mindset from “I don’t know if I can” to “I’m in this for the long haul!”

Life has no guarantees, and the military lifestyle is, unfortunately, a challenge that some can’t meet to the end. But, as one military wife stated “Is this life worth it? For me, right now, despite everything, it is. As for the future – only time will tell.” Indeed, the majority of us are looking at the future with a blend of heavy hearts, guarded optimism and fervent hopes as we realize that the quality of our future does not lie solely in our own hands.

 

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