Chaplain Sharon A. Frank on releasing one back to God

A Neonatal Service of Love and Remembrance

I had the privilege of sharing this service with a family who had a child in our New Born Intensive Care unit for five months. Eventually, the parents, with the support of the staff, had to make the decision to “release him back to God.” (These were the parent's words.) I was asked by the family to put a service together for a tree planting and release of the ashes. I checked resources and couldn't find much that fit the situation. A couple chaplain colleagues here at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center helped me out. I searched through my memorial file and found a few poems and then went to my ol' standby – The Psalms – for praying.

When I finished the service I was amazed at how well everything came together. I felt guided by a spirit as I was typing. I have used some of the readings in other services for children. This family had chosen to play soft music in the background – like they did for their child in NICU. Others might choose to insert music into the service. It is my hope that this can be a resource for others.

A Service of Love and Remembrance
Celebrating the Gift of
(name of the child)
(Date of the service)

“Into the freedom of the wind and sunshine, into the dance of the stars, into the hands of the star-maker, into the promise of Easter, we let you go.”

Invocation
We gather together in this sacred space to recognize the sacredness of life. We come together to remember, if we could ever forget, (child’s name). We remember the gift of his/her life and what he/she gave to his/her family and those who cared for him/her. May this time help to bring solace to those who still hold him/her close to their hearts. May this time hold our grief and be a quilt of comfort.

The Readings:

Some People by F. Weedn

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and embrace our silent dreams. They help us become aware of the delicate winds of hope and we discover within every human spirit there are wings yearning to fly. They help our hearts to see that the only stairway to the stars is woven with dreams and we find ourselves unafraid to reach high. They celebrate the true essence of who we are and have faith in all that we may become. Some people awaken us to new and deeper realizations for we gain insight from the passing whisper of their wisdom. Throughout our lives we are sent precious souls, meant to share our journey however brief or lasting, their stay reminds us why we are here; to learn, to teach, to nurture and to love. Some people come into our lives and they move our souls to sing and make our spirits dance. They help us to see that everything on earth is part of the incredibility of life and that it is always there for us to take of its joy.

So (child’s name) came into our lives and left footprints on our hearts and we will never ever be the same.

Time by J. Gray

Time is the precious gift of ourselves that we bestow on one another.
It is the prayer we offer together; the laughter we share; the sorrow we endure.
It is tears and quiet listening. A gentle touch, a quiet word.
Time is forever, the care we give to each other. It gives us precious glimpses of God’s love.
Time is at last God’s promise, which then becomes our Hope.
Everything is made beautiful – in God’s time.

Love Lives On by Mary Ramish

Love is also a common theme to those whom I love and those who love me.
When I am gone, release me, let me go.
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears.
Be happy that I was here. I gave you my love, you can only guess how much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love each one of you has shown. But now it is time I traveled on.

So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must. Then let your grief be comforted by trust. It is only for a while that we must part.
So bless the memories in your heart.

I will not be far away, for life goes on.
So if you need me, call and I will come. Though you cannot see or touch me.
I will be near and if you listen with your heart, you will hear all of my love around you soft and clear.
Then, when you must, come this way and I will greet you with a smile and “welcome you to my heavenly home.”

Memories of the Child Shared by All

Sometimes by M. Updyke

Sometimes, memories are like rain showers, sprinkling down upon you, catching you unaware and then they are gone, leaving you warm and refreshed.

Sometimes, memories are like thunderstorms, beating down upon you, relentless in their downpour, and then they will cease, leaving you tired and bruised.

Sometimes, memories are like shadows sneaking up behind you, following you around. Then they disappear leaving you sad and confused.

Sometimes, memories are like quilts, surrounding you with warmth, luxuriously abundant and sometimes they stay, wrapping you in contentment.

Tree Planting & Joining of Spirits

We are gathered today for two purposes: to remember and to plant. In remembering: we hold again in our minds’ eye and ears the sweet child who left our arms, but who never left our hearts. We see again his/her face, his/her hands and feet. We remember the tenderness, the determination, the challenges and the special times. We remember flesh against flesh, the grasp of small fingers.

As we look back in memory, also we look ahead in planting. The young tree planted here is a symbol of a future that we believe in, even though we cannot see it, and things didn’t turn out as we had planned. We plant not in spite of our sorrow, but because of it. Not hindered by tears, but encouraged by them. The love of this child was planted in our hearts and now this tree symbolizes that love. Over the years, this tree will grow and it will stand as a symbol of his/her life. The life cycle of this tree will remind us of those times in the human life cycle of welcoming and saying good-bye.

Reading of Psalm 125

Those who put their trust in You are like giant trees standing firm and rooted deep. As the trees grow strong in fertile soil, so we mature in the garden of Love, nourished by the Word of Life. For the weeds of fear, the tares of ignorance, find no home here; they are soon cast out. As each flower in its uniqueness blessed the garden, the interconnectedness of all brings it to fulfillment. Those whose lives reflect goodness and integrity, become mirrors to Love’s way. They are like fragrant blossoms that bring joy to all around them, like open invitations for others to come. Enter the garden of love.

Closing Prayer

Loving and comforting God, bless our gathering this day. Bless this tree and our planting of it as a constant memorial to (child’s name). May its roots prosper and give strength, may its green leaves bring coolness in the heat of summer, and its red leaves, warmth of soul in autumn. And may its bare branches in winter remind us that what sleeps, will awaken, what dies, will be transformed and what has passed, will be reborn. May the birds that dwell in this tree’s branches sing forth the songs we have learned with them: that we shall never be the same. AMEN

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