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Rev. Stephen Harding reflects on a pediatric death
Confiding Trust
You came running into Tommy’s room
A small force in long pants and a hospital gown
Beaming.
Such joy in your voice:
delight and gladness as only
a three year old can express.
A year and a half later
You were still happy to greet me
And show me the case for Thomas and his friends,
Still happy.
In the hallway, after that visit, your mom cried
As she told us of the wrenching question that she and your dad faced:
To stop your treatment or to keep it going
Wanting only what was best for you.
Today I saw you again
Surrounded by your family
And those who took care of you.
A room quiet with grief.
Someone had put a medallion of the Sacred Heart of Jesus
In your hand.
When they moved your arm
The medallion fell.
And I saw your hand:
Your child’s hand expressive,
like an elephant’s trunk,
Exploring, questing, feeling, communicating,
Each small finger so much a part of who you were
And confiding trust in those around you,
Your hand,
which had so eagerly held Thomas and others,
Not move to grasp it,
Which seemed so still and so wrong.
This unnatural unmoving of your child’s hand
Stayed with me,
As did the heavy weight of grief
Of your life ended far too soon.
Rev.Stephen Harding, STM, BCC, is an Episcopal priest in the Diocese of New York. He is the Director of Pastoral Care and Education at NYU Medical Center, a HealthCare Chaplaincy partner institution.
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