Chaplain Cliff Bond on one who died too soon

Funeral in the Park

Editor’s note: Cliff’s wife, Carol, sends him a blessing each morning via e-mail. This ritual has become a very important part of his professional work for the past several years. The day after Cliff’s experience below, his wife sent him a blessing, which you will find in Spiritual Development. Cliff felt that this particular blessing seemed to apply to all chaplains, “specifically as we facilitate spiritual journeys and transitions.”

He was 18 years old when he died at a party with his friends after drinking two 40-ounce beers. He then took something else that put him to sleep. He never woke up. Our hope, of course, is that some of his friends will.

His parents asked me to facilitate the memorial service since they know me as the chaplain on the addiction recovery program where I have worked full or part-time for more than 20 years. They requested that there not be any religious platitudes, they did not want the Serenity Prayer because that was not where they were “at” right then. They did want to talk about spirituality, hope and concern about deaths that happen because of alcohol and drug abuse.

More than 100 people gathered in the park at 7:00 pm for the service on an unusually cool evening after a cold front and rain had rumbled through earlier in the day. A PA system was set up with his favorite music playing before the service. Family had put together a collage of pictures; flowers adorned a table where the box containing his ashes was placed. About 40 of those present were his partying friends, wearing shirts that had air brushed memorial words painted on them. Many of them were tearful; some were “high.” All present were grieving.

We opened with the 23rd Psalm, which he had learned in treatment. I read a poem written for one who died too soon entitled, “Remember Me.” People cried as it was read. His grandfather gave a very moving and touching memorial about this fun, sensitive, caring young man who had been taken away from the family who loved him. People cried and laughed and grieved deeply as they heard the stories. Then I shared the meditation that had been planned with the parents the night before. They wanted me to speak clearly about overdose, addiction, the danger of mixing alcohol with other drugs and the hope that their son’s death might be a lesson preventing someone else from dying.

I gained the attention of his friends when I said that I was not against drinking, partying or even using drugs – I was against dying because of believing the lie that the only way to have fun or enjoy life was high or drunk. I was against addiction and drug or alcohol abuse because of the high cost that it extracted from those involved.

He had a quote that his friends had stenciled on their shirts that read, “You ain’t gotta lie to kick it,” meaning a person can have a great time and still be honest. Good quote. We used that as the core of our approach to the evening because alcohol and drugs are a lie since they promise but do not deliver as promised. They lie.

It was a spiritual experience as we closed with saying the Lord’s Prayer in unison, there under the trees, on the grass, in the park. We confronted death, the “last enemy which shall be destroyed” and we affirmed choices that lead to life. We supported family, love and relationships. We said farewell to our brother who died way too soon. We claimed strength from a “Higher Power.” It was enough.

Do you have thoughts about professional practice you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail info@PlainViews.org.