Rabbi Steven J. Rubenstein on a different way to look at aging and freedom

Judaism and Our Struggle With Dependence: A Response

Rabbi Daniel Coleman recently wrote an article in PlainViews (3/5/08, Vol.5, No. 3 - LongView) in which he discusses the difficulties that older adults experience in regard to the Jewish holidays and the theme of freedom. In Judaism, we pride ourselves on the fact that we live in the shadows of our once being slaves in Egypt. We recall this when we recite the Kiddush, the blessing over the wine: "mikreh kodesh zakher leetzee'at mitzrayim… You gave us…a holy occasion, (as) a memorial of the Exodus from Egypt."

On Passover we add to this prayer the words "z'man chairutainu – the time of our freedom." For many senior adults, old age is not a time of freedom, especially when mobility is diminished along with vigor and strength. Rabbi Coleman asks: What is left for a person to bless if he or she becomes dependent on others for their daily needs? He looks for a Biblical example that would give our elders permission to accept their frailties and their position in life as receivers who are dependent.

I wish to respond: Why give in to the accepted notion that old age is a time of dependence? Sure, we become dependent on others for a variety of life's tasks, and this can become embarrassing to those who have lived an active life. However, we all experience times when we rely on others for one thing or another, and this does not limit our freedom to be who we are. When God offered manna to the Israelites, did this act of generosity create a dependent relationship that harmed the development of the Jewish people? No. It enabled the Children of Israel to focus on their relationship with God rather than on the quest for food.

In my preparations for Passover I came across a comment from my former professor, Rabbi Arthur Green, in My People's Haggadah. He says that on Passover, "we are called to freedom." This calling is a spiritual one in nature. In becoming free of those things that might (metaphorically) enslave us, we open ourselves to being more free to live in God's presence. From my own experiences with senior adults in a skilled nursing facility setting, I have learned that many have sought how to become more religious or spiritual in their elder years.

What better time is there to think of such relationships than when we become less distracted by the details of a life engaged in generating and producing things! Old age is the stage in life when we become free to mentor others with our sagacity and our wisdom; and Passover is one of those times when we are mandated to share with others the lessons learned from personal struggles. It is difficult to put a price tag on such knowledge, but it does have value to society. By enabling our senior adults to tell their stories, and to share a lifetime of wisdom with others, we give new meaning to the word "in-dependence." The blessing, of course, is in our ability to sing "dayeinu – It would have been enough" – at each stage of our journey through life.

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