Responses to:

Who Have Been Your Mentors and What Have They Taught You?

Chaplain Dick D. Millspaugh, in the last issue of PV, asked for responses to the question above. Below are three responses we received.

Mentor: My CPE Supervisor Ramona Reynolds (Florida Hospital). “What are your tears for”? I will never forget the valuable lesson to always ask the patient and never to presuppose during a visit. I had several visits where a patient would become teary eyed, and I would always presuppose that the tears were related to what was being shared at that moment. Ramona taught me to always ask the patient, “What are your tears for”? And, almost always the tears told a different story than what I was presupposing. I thank you Ramona for guiding me during those seven units of CPE, and equipping me to become a better Chaplain.

Anurag Mani
Chaplain
Orlando Health/ South Seminole Hospital.
Longwood, FL

Chaplain Millspaugh’s column on 'mentoring' got my attention. Mentors have blessed my life over many years. The first real mentor I had was a teacher, Ms. Deerstine, who, to my young eyes, was a stern, witch-like older lady with tight gray curls and wire-rim glasses. I had nearly 'flunked out,’ of 5th grade and was terrified at the possibility of being sentenced to her class for 6th. Sure enough, to her class I was consigned, and yet this became one of my first true lessons in receiving grace. Ms. Deerstine, contrary to what I expected, treated me with kindness, appreciation and a gentle firmness. She treated me like I could succeed and had value, as well as gifts and strengths. She was the first person who I felt had really "seen" me. I learned that appearances can be deceiving and how important it is to truly ‘be seen' by at least one person for our ‘true self’, a person made in God’s image with gifts and value. As I experienced the goodness beneath the initially fearful image of Miss Deerstine that I had perceived, we each came to “see” something of the good and “true self” of the other.

My next real mentor came when I finally did succeed in ‘flunking out’—this time in my first year of college. I turned to my home church for help and in turn was referred to a Pastoral Counselor in Boston. The referral was a good one and I learned how important a good and timely pastoral referral can be. Jim Eckels was an ex-Marine who could be tough as well as very tender and compassionate. Jim confronted me when, at one point, I got scared and wanted to leave school again and run. I learned through this that challenging a person can sometimes be an act both of extraordinary courage and of love, if done in the right way at the right time. Jim also helped me to look at my experience of distress in a different way. He helped me to see a call to ministry emerging out of this personal crisis. I learned that, what from one angle could be looked upon as pathology, can sometimes, from another angle, be realized as a call to growth and vocation. In this I also discovered early on that the psychological/therapeutic and the spiritual can truly have a natural integration. Here I discovered that their really was such a thing as a skilled, wise and competent "soul guide" who could be with a person, in this case a young one, and effectively lead them through the uncharted realm of their turbulent inner terrain, (while teaching them something about dealing with the outer world too!)

It is also possible to experience a mentor through literature. One such valuable experience for me was reading a book by John Perkins, a Jungian analyst from Princeton, New Jersey. His book, The Forbidden Self: Symbolic Incest and the Journey Within, (Shambala, Boston, 1993), was a reflective psycho/spiritual commentary on a legend from the 13th Century about choosing a Pope. This book fell across my path soon after it was first published and I have worn out two copies re-reading it many times since. Here I found great wisdom and guidance for the inner journey. Here was also tremendous insight about what sometimes may be behind the phenomenon, so rampant in our time, of both sexual abuse and the grandiosity/Inflation and spiritual hunger with which it is sometimes linked. John Perkins is truly a fine writer, has important things to say and hasn’t gotten either the recognition or readership he deserves. So many fine mentors have graced my life that I could write a book to honor them. (Maybe I will!)

Chaplain Don Moore
Charlottesville, Virginia

I have had many mentors in my life, but there are two mentors who have had the greatest impact on who I have become. My first was my high school teacher, Bruce Laird, who taught me the discipline and the love for the theatre. He also showed me by his caring what it meant not only to be a good teacher, but to be a good person. His love for his students and his passion for seeing them succeed in whatever their dream, was a great model from which to learn. He taught me to see something through to its completion, no matter what it took and to honor myself for hanging in there!

The other mentor was my CPE Supervisor, The Rev. Denise Haines, who helped me in more ways than I can possibly write here. She modeled acceptance and patience and wisdom. She enabled me to bring together disparate parts of my life and helped me to find a way to honor all of who I am, as I worked to connect my past with my present and future. She also showed me how to be present with those who were suffering. Her care and concern for me and for those whom I served was the best role model I could have asked for. And, she showed me how one can stand up to those who are in "power" and be the prophetic voice that God called me to be in ways that are non-threatening.

Rev. Dr. Martha R. Jacobs
New York, NY

Do you have thoughts about advocacy you’d like to share with your colleagues? Send an e-mail to info@PlainViews.org.