Paulette Heinlein on entering the heart’s troubles

The Strength in Silence

“. . .Peace be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." Mark 4:39

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and
deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long arduous quest after truth.” Mahatma Gandhi

As I walk down the corridor and enter the room of each patient, I find within their confines a definition of themselves. Some are grandparents with pictures from their grandchildren, hand drawn, and framed as though it were a Leonardo da Vinci original. We talk about the masterpiece, and eventually, about the hidden heart’s troubles.

In another room there are cookies and fruit lying on snack trays as the patient waits for hospital staff or friends to drop by, for they wish to have something to give. Having just had lunch, we force down an extra grape to quench their longing to provide. Eventually we enter into the heart’s troubles, the reason behind their giving spirit.

Once and a while you will enter the room of a cleric, who without prompt, begins to tell you everything they know about God. You are receptive and quickly learn that their greatest joy and strength comes from their spiritual service to others. You want to serve them, but they have learned after so many years of serving, that prudence in disclosure paints a picture of strength. It is difficult if not impossible for me to enter into the heart’s troubles.

Some time has passed and it is my turn to receive a visit. I enter into supervision.

My rooms are decorated with a definition of myself. We talk about the pictures I have gathered along the weeks. We frame them as though they were Leonardo da Vinci originals. She begins to reach the hidden heart’s troubles.

I wait patiently as I display my wares and she inspects the fruit, in the hopes that I too, can give something to her. We discuss motives and distinctive reasons for ministry and why I would like to give. Eventually, she moves closer to the heart’s hidden troubles, the reasons behind our giving spirit.

The last two conversations reveal where I am in my experience. She reaches out and touches the heart’s hidden trouble. I do not choose the clerics prudence in disclosure. We have in a sense entered into the innermost sanctuary, beyond the veil, the second compartment, where before only God and the high priest had entered. I express my fear, and bow my head in thought.

There is a seemingly long silence. In time I am no longer afraid. I see the path to clearer light. The elusive and deceptive begin to fade. Things become crystal clear.

I find strength in the silence of another beside me.

“Not merely an absence of noise, Real silence begins when a reasonable being withdraws from the noise in order to find peace and order in his inner sanctuary.” Peter Minard

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